Sepwise regarded the river with interest. It wasn’t a deep river, but it was moving rapidly. It tumbled ferociously downhill, swirling foam thrashing into life as the water crashed into the boulders scattered immovably in the bed. Some of the rocks were slightly underwater, Sepwise noted, but they looked close enough together and stable enough to allow the adventurers to leap between them.
‘No, I reckon we can cross it,’ he said sagely, nodding to himself. ‘A tricky obstacle, certainly, but not impassable.’
Armoro crouched down by the river, cupped his hand and splashed the bottom of Sepwise’s tunic. ‘That’s not the point,’ he said, splashing the scientist again. ‘The point is that this is long, wet and filled with seahorses.’ He flung his hand up as hard as he could, pitching droplets of water into Sepwise’s face. Below the surface, three miniature aquatic horses galloped to safety.
‘Yes,’ said Sepwise, wiping his eyebrows. ‘I know what a river is, but I’m saying that we’re quite capable of crossing it.’
‘Yes, but I’m saying that it’s a bloody great river,’ persisted Armoro. ‘Don’t you see?’
‘No,’ replied Sepwise.
‘There is no river anywhere near here according to that map!’ said Armoro, irate.
‘So? Perhaps the map’s wrong.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said the psychoanalyst. ‘That’s nonsense and you know it. We are lost. You have failed us yet again, now be man enough to admit it.’
Sepwise looked down at him, anger and resentment in his eyes. He was deeply hurt by that remark. True, they were completely lost, but that was no excuse for insolence.
‘We are not lost,’ Sepwise stated firmly, holding Armoro's eyes in a steady, authoritative gaze. ‘We have just discovered an uncharted river.’
‘No,’ argued Armoro, getting more irate by the minute, ‘we have not discovered an uncharted river. We have rediscovered a perfectly well charted river on the other side of the island. And we managed that even though you have got both a map and a compass at your disposal.’
‘I don’t agree,’ said Sepwise.
‘I do,’ said Trussuk, sitting on a big rock just behind them.
‘Remain out of this,’ snapped Sepwise. ‘It’s between me and the psycha...psychana...Armoro.’
‘No,’ said Armoro, deciding he’d better stand up, ‘this isn’t about you and me. This is about all of us. It’s about why we’re here, what the point of this so-called expedition is, and why we’ve put up with you and your megalomaniacal overlording for three entire days.’
Sepwise said nothing. He couldn’t. He was shocked.
Armoro stared at Sepwise with determined eyes. ‘I think it’s time we put this pitiful party in order once and for all,’ he announced. ‘I say we have a democratic vote.’
‘Vote?’ asked Andrew. ‘For what?’
‘Leadership,’ explained Armoro. ‘Who really thinks Sepwise here is the ideal leader?’
‘Me,’ said Andrew, putting his hand up. ‘I do.’
‘Really? Oh. Anyway, this is a group of fine, honest, intelligent...ish men. We are all capable of deciding who is the best man for the job, are we not? It’s just a case of having the confidence to speak up. If there’s an official poll, we can make our opinions known freely and without fear. Agreed?’
‘No,’ said Sepwise.
‘Yes,’ said everybody else.
‘Right, okay then. Who wishes to nominate themselves for the post?’ Nobody put their hand up, except for Sepwise.
‘Well, I propose to run,’ Armoro informed the others, ‘so the nominees are myself and Sepwise. The voting will take place as follows. You put up your hand for whoever you want to vote for. Understood?’
‘Just one question,’ asked Andrew. ‘Can I vote for Trussuk?’
‘No, he’s not running,’ said Armoro. ‘Your choices are myself and Sepwise. Is that clear?’
‘Yes,’ said Andrew, although his voice was tinged with uncertainty.
‘Oh, and you are allowed to vote for yourself,’ Armoro added for Sepwise’s benefit. ‘Everybody ready? Okay. All those in favour of Sepwise, raise your hands now.’ Sepwise raised his hand. Andrew raised two hands, one positioned carefully to make it look like it was Jeudd’s.
‘No, you’re not fooling me, Andrew,’ said Armoro. ‘That’s two votes for Sepwise. Now it’s my turn. Hands up all those who would prefer me to be their leader.’
Armoro popped his arm in the air, as did Trussuk. Jeudd did not vote. Armoro sighed. ‘Right, the final results then: two votes for me, two for Sepwise and one abstained. A dead heat. How irksome.’
‘It seems there is division within the group,’ said Sepwise, stroking his beard. ‘The question is, can it be healed, or will it continue to grow?’
‘I don’t believe it can heal,’ said Armoro. ‘It’s too ingrained. I suspect this is the end of the adventure.’
Sepwise looked down at the map. An idea began to form in his mind. ‘How about,’ he said, ‘a splitting of efforts?’
‘A what?’ said Trussuk.
‘A splitting of efforts.’
‘You mean a parting of the ways?’
‘No. A splitting of efforts.’
‘I see.’
‘I suggest we split the group right down the middle. Half of us go one way, half go the other. That should eradicate the dissension, no?’
‘And we’ll also cover the island quicker,’ continued Armoro, mulling the idea over. ‘It might work.’
‘Yes, and after say a week, we can meet back at the cove from which we set out and combine our discoveries,’ Sepwise said, starting to become excited. ‘It might be the best way.’
‘It would be more dangerous,’ said Armoro. ‘And the groups would be uneven. There are five of us, remember.’
‘Doesn’t matter. Whichever is the bigger group will take the more dangerous parts: the forests, the castles, the mountains.’
‘And what about the SSAI? Who gets to investigate that?’
‘I think,’ said Sepwise, ‘that we should agree nobody goes there. Save any arguments.’
‘Yes, that sounds agreeable. But there still remains one problem - which party should keep the map?’
‘Split it,’ said the scientist. ‘Rip it down the middle. Just like the expedition.’
Armoro thought about this for a second. ‘But then one group wouldn’t know how to get back to the cove,’ he pointed out.
‘Okay, how about... yes, we could rip the map right through the middle of the cove. As long as you can see one edge of it, you’ll be able to find your way there.’
‘Agreed.’ Armoro could see no more problems. ‘It would appear to be a workable solution. You may go ahead and tear the map. Rip it, and with it our party, asunder.’
Sepwise unrolled the map. He held it out between his two hands. For a moment, he hesitated. Was he doing the right thing?
‘Go on then,’ urged Trussuk.
Sepwise pushed his concerns to the back of his mind for later perusal and quickly ripped the chart in two. He handed one piece to Armoro and kept the other for himself. Now all that needed to be settled was individual allegiance. Who would group with whom?
‘I’ll go with Sepwise,’ volunteered Andrew, much to Sepwise’s displeasure.
‘And I’ll go with Armoro,’ said Trussuk.
Damn! Trussuk was the best of the bunch, thought Sepwise. He would have to side with Armoro, wouldn’t he? Now there was only Jeudd left. The scientist hoped against all hope that he would side with Armoro. Two fools in one party was more than he could suffer.
‘I shall continue my travels with the psychoanalyst,’ informed Jeudd. ‘He displays more integrity than the alchemist.’
‘Well, I don’t know about that...’ started Sepwise.
‘Excellent,’ interrupted Armoro. ‘I have my team, and you have yours, man of science. May luck be with you. You will need it greatly.’
‘I think not,’ snorted Sepwise arrogantly. ‘Come, Andrew, let us show this feeble rag-tag bunch of no-hopers just what expeditioning is all about.’
‘Hmm?’ said Andrew, attempting to measure the velocity of the river with a home-made flow meter. ‘Er, yes, I agree.’
Sepwise looked at him with contempt. ‘This way,’ he snapped and he marched off towards the river. He clambered, wobbling precariously, onto the first rock, paused, then turned and said a heartfelt goodbye to his former colleagues. They faintly acknowledged him. Sepwise turned back and leapt gingerly onto the next rock.
<=> <=> <=>
From the opposite bank, Andrew and Sepwise watched their former companions disappear back into the forest.
Sepwise wrung his robes out as best he could, moaning and complaining, grumbling and swearing. ‘Can’t believe we both fell in,’ he whined, pulling his sandals off and shaking them dry. ‘Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. That’s a universal law I suspect. I shall name it after you. Andrew’s Law.’
Andrew waited a bit until he was sure the alchemist had calmed down. ‘Interesting turn of events, though,’ he said. ‘I didn’t see any of this coming at all. Did you? I didn’t. The expedition splitting in two? It’s... almost unthinkable. Such a shame. We were all getting along so well together.’
Sepwise hit him with one of his sandals.